Immediate Job Opening

I have decided to give my lovely wife a well deserved belated Mothers Day gift.. One year off to do whatever she wants.. Travel ( I know shes always wanted to tour Italy)..Start her own make up line..or maybe she could just sleep for the entire year.. It doesnt matter whatever she wants. In order to make this happen I will need someone to fill her huge spot.. Here is the Job Posting..

Job Description

You will be the primary caretaker, teacher, and inspiration for 4 children. ( a 5 year old girl , a 2 and half year old girl, a 10 month old boy and a 4 year old boy traped in a 33 year old's body) watch out the oldest one he is the most demanding and will cost the most money.

This job is a 24 hour 7 day a week position, with no off time - actually no alone time either - must be able to handle all manner of personal matters with multiple spectators.. if you know what I mean and I think you do. Stage fright might be an issue at first.

A Typical Day if Hired

Many days you will be required to wake up by 5 and shower and get ready for work as quitely as possible, because waking up one of your kids early may result in a bad hair day for you. You must then be able to wake and feed all the kids (except the oldest who will have left for work be fore you wake up), and get them to the daycare by 6:30 so you can be at work at the bank by 7:oo. After working for several hours on your feet, you will either go strait to pick up the kids or if time permits maybe you can run some errands or pay some bills. (you are also going to be our chief accountant and Book keeper. Once you pick up the kids, you will head home for housekeeping duties, baths, and bedtime. Bedtime will take several hours and several trips to the kitchen to make bottles, bring juice, or make a last minute snack- your 5 year old is always mysteriously starving when bedtime is upon her. Thoughout the night you will be woken several times for feedings, or bathroom trips, or for when your oldest is leaving for work at 4:00 and cannot find his keys, his glasses, his store keys, his wallet, or sometimes even his underwear.

Job Requirements

Must possess an un dying love for these kids.

Must have superhuman hearing and telepathy to be able to stop what your doing in an instant and run across the house and up the stairs to help the baby who is about to cry.

Must be able to multi task

Must be able to put everyone elses interests above your own.

Must have Go Go Gadget arms

Must be the most beautiful girl in world.

Must be able to entertain all ages at all times

Must be able to control all manners of fits, tantrums, and bad moods - the 3 younger kids will also have these from time to time.

Salary

You will recieve no pay at home and what you make at bank will basically cover daycare and insurance.

Benefits

You will get to spend your days with the three coolest and prettiest kids in the world, and have my eternal love and admiration. Did I mention all the Disney channel you will have to uh I mean get to watch?

Ok well the good news is I have the only girl perfect enough for the job.. The bad news is its my Adriana.. So my plan is foiled.. I guess the trip to Italy will have to wait... And her belated Mothers Day Present will have to be this:

I Love You girl and I always will. I know we are high maintanence.. but you maintain us so well!! I cant wait to grow old with you! To show you how much you mean to me.. I have located and have plans to use the cloths hamper!

Love You Babes